The following post is part of my ongoing series of letters sent to The White House via the official web form at https://www.whitehouse.gov/contact lovingly reproduced here, each one in its entirety. Anyway, here’s one.
Reflections for the President
February 6, 2017
I’ve seen a lot of stubbornly stupid people in my day, but few as bottom-of-the-barrel, bent over a fence-post, deep-fried stupid as you. Are you seriously trying to tell the American public that “the media” is covering up some rash of terrorist activity?
Holy fuck, Trump, do you not see how crazy this accusation is?
Do you really believe if there were terrorist attacks anywhere in this (or any other) country that any and all of the tens of thousands of newspapers, radio stations, local news, network news, cable news, bloggers, loggers, hackers, whackers, news aggregators, pundits, everyone, Trump, everyone would not sell you and their collective left nuts to get the story in front of their audience? And then talk about it again, and again, and again until they had milked every last ratings point out of it until they at last smothered it under a typhoon borne wave of unnecessary detail?
You of all people should know that this would never be the case – indeed could NEVER be the case. What you are suggesting is so monumentally impossible that if you actually do believe it then you really must be as crazy as we all thought.
Or is it that you are just a supremely irresponsible coward who, when faced with the notion that the majority of the people (whom you supposedly represent) think you are an idiot, begin to panic? Is it at this point that your fragile psyche can’t take it any more? Is this when you begin to fabricate these grandiose conspiracies wherein you cry
“Everyone is out to get me!”
and start to tell bigger and bigger and bigger lies? I’ve got to admit that while I thought you would fold under the pressure in record time, not even I thought you were going to snap this quickly. Sad.
Oh, I can see you now: padding about The White House in your bathrobe, sitting in the dark trying to find a light switch, going from television to Twitter and back again, getting angrier and angrier – a lost, cowardly little man, part Richard Nixon, part Gollum, cursing the evil media and clutching your smart phone, sending out tweet after angry tweet, fabricating lie after bald-faced lie.
Well, cling to it while it lasts. At this rate you will be gone before Summer – hell, maybe even Spring! Looking forward to seeing how “the dishonest media” covers you that day, Trump, as you turn around for one last time to the cameras, flashing a peace sign with your tiny hands, smiling gamely one last time before you board the helicopter to nowhere.